


Breakfast Hussy

by SeptemberStar



Series: Darcy Lewis: Breakfast Hussy [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Sexual Humor, Suggestive language, UST
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-26 17:19:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7582999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeptemberStar/pseuds/SeptemberStar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A recovering Bucky Barnes finally makes it to breakfast in the common area one morning - only to meet and fall in lust with Darcy Lewis, Breakfast Hussy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The Prequel to this had been posted as Chapter 3, but I don't think it really matters which order you decide to read it in. :)

Breakfast Hussy  
-  
“So this is Bucky Barnes at last, huh?” Darcy Lewis took another look at the very drowsy man across the table from her and shook her head adamantly, sighing impatiently.  
“I suppose my fingers aren’t allowed in his particular sugar bowl, either, huh, Cap?”  
“No touching, Lewis.”  
“My life is so un-fucking-fair.”  
The shaggy haired, blue-eyed, baby-faced assassin she was speaking of blinked at her. “Fucking,” he repeated blankly, bringing up a hand to run his fingertips across his closely-shaven jaw for the fifth time. He seemed to enjoy the sensation, so he’d been doing it a lot since he and Captain Tight-pants had joined her at the common room breakfast table.  
“That’s what I was just thinking,” Darcy groaned back at him, biting her lip. She stared at him for another long moment, nerves sizzling as he drowsily gazed right back at her, and then she made a sound of frustrated pain deep in her throat before forcing her eyes away.  
“Cap, I know you don’t know me that well yet, but if you ever need a sitter for your boy here - I’m all up for it,“ Darcy winked at Steve as he passed her back on his way to the table with two loaded plates.  
Steve sat down next to Bucky and gave her a raised brow. “Somehow I don’t think that would be a good idea, Ms. Lewis. I hear you’re a bit...handsy.” He used one finger to push a plate in front of his friend, but Bucky was still idly rubbing his chin and jaw and calmly staring at Darcy.  
Darcy shrugged and sipped at her coffee. “Not entirely true - but if it was true, could ya’ really blame me? Jane’s in mega-research mode in the lab. I haven’t had a date in like, three months.”  
“Well, that might explain why Tony had to ban you from the gym,” Clint announced from an overhead vent. “Seriously, watch out for her, Steve - she pinches.”  
“I know.” Steve tilted his head and looked at her with half-lowered lids as if to say, “See?”  
Darcy licked her lips and fought a smile. “Okay, I’m so not like that. I totally respect other people’s personal space - usually. I respect my own personal space. Why else would I carry a taser? And I wouldn’t pinch Sergeant Barnes - not without his permission anyway. I mean, I might have pinched Hawkeye just to see if his butt really was that tight - once - but it was an impulse thing, I was a little smashed on breakfast mimosa’s, and I totally apologized after I found out he was married.”  
“Yeah, over the phone, to my wife - not me,” Clint grumbled, muffled. “I feel so used.”  
“Hey, she forgave me, and I never did it again, did I? Besides, it’s not like you leave that thing unguarded around me anymore, anyway. You have to admit, it is a nice ass.”  
Clint hummed in the vent. “It is...”  
“I mean, if you like ‘em that small,” Darcy amended with a mild smirk.  
“There’s nothing wrong with a tiny ass!” Clint defended, making a thumping noise.  
Steve nodded vigorously in agreement.  
Darcy sat back in her chair and crossed her legs. “They’re great to look at, sure, but - how the hell does your wife hang on?”  
“She managed well enough for us to have three kids!” Clint snapped. “That’s it - I’m stealing all the pop-tarts!”  
“So steal ‘em!” Darcy snarked back. “I got a stash of Frosted Cherry that’d make Smaug jealous!”  
Steve rolled his eyes at the ridiculous discussion and stabbed a silver dollar pancake with a fork and stuck it in Bucky’s hand. “Quit staring at the hussy, Buck, and eat.”  
Darcy looked back at Steve, and smiled easily, unoffended. “So, how are things going with you two?” she asked, watching Steve inhale his food and Bucky idly spin the tiny pancake on his fork.  
“Have you admitted to being a couple, yet?”  
Steve paused in the middle of draining his orange juice and scowled. “Would you give up on that, already? We’re not a ‘couple’. I’m straight, and Buck’s bi. We’re best friends. I mean, sure, we might be sleeping together now, but that’s all it is, sleeping.”  
Bucky leaned his chin on his hand, and twirled the pancake again. “Sleeping,” he parroted around a yawn, and then, plaintively, “How come nobody ever pinches my ass?”  
Steve spit out his orange juice and Darcy grinned wolfishly.  
“Don’t you dare!” Steve warned Darcy, pointing a finger at her.  
“I dunno, Captain, that kinda’ sounded like an invitation to me,” Darcy said smugly. “What do you say, Barnes?”  
“I say, if you don’t, I’ll make you,” Bucky announced, setting down the fork and picking up a butter knife to viciously spear a slice of toast.  
Clint cackled from the vents.  
Steve glared at her. “He’s still recovering! You can’t take advantage of him like that!”  
Bucky frowned over at him before looking back at Darcy and ripping a large bite of toast off with his teeth. One dark eyebrow lifted at her. “I am begging you, please take advantage of me,” he asked casually around the huge mouthful.  
Darcy uncrossed her legs and pressed her knees together, taking a deep breath. “Holy shit, I think I just came a little,” she sighed shakily. “Now who’s taking advantage of who, here, Steve?”  
Steve’s jaw was on the ground.  
Bucky licked his lips and swallowed, and tore off another bite of toast. “I don’t know about Barton’s, but my ass is nice little handful,” he told Darcy coolly while chewing.  
Darcy narrowed her eyes in challenge, putting her elbows on the table and leaning over them to show off her cleavage. “I know, I’ve been staring at it ever since you got here. But my rack is nicer - and it’s definitely more than a handful. You might not be able to handle it at all.”  
Bucky swallowed again and set the knife down - point first into the table top. He aggressively tongued the inside of his right cheek, dark pink lips twitching with humor.  
Steve abruptly stood up, loudly knocking the table ajar. “Buck, don’t you think it’s time we got to the gym?”  
..and since the gym was one place Darcy couldn’t follow...  
Darcy bit her lip and laughed as she sat back. “Relax, mother hen - can’t you tell he’s totally getting off on seeing you act like a prude? Way to push the envelope, Barnes.”  
Bucky shrugged. “It is funny.”  
Steve deflated. “You guys are jerks,” he whined a little, and then stomped out of the room.  
Darcy looked at Bucky consideringly and shook her head, reaching up to adjust her glasses. “I bet you’ve never even been shot down before, have you?”  
Bucky leaned back in his chair, the tiniest smile curling either side of his mouth. “Not that I can remember,” he answered smugly.  
“Well, far be it from me to be the first,” Darcy told him with a wink. “Y’know, I really almost got off on watching you get off.”  
Bucky’s finger-tips slowly slid around in the condensation on his juice glass. “That wasn’t me getting off, not really.” His eyes flickered up to hers, intensely blue. “To get me off, you’d have to be on your knees - screaming around my dick.”  
Darcy gulped, but wasn’t about to back down. She sat up straight and narrowed her eyes again. “That’s a weird coincidence - because I can only come when I have something in my mouth.”  
Clint groaned above them, and made a slight banging sound as he slipped away. “That’s it - I’m outta’ here. I gotta’ go sext the wife...”  
Bucky kept stroking the glass leisurely, not dropping his eyes from hers. “You’re wet right now, aren’t you?” he asked quietly.  
“I could slide right off this chair, fucker,” Darcy answered back just as quietly.  
Bucky brought his damp fingers to his lips and sucked the moisture off of them. “You know I’m not like other guys - I’m not exactly safe to be around right now,” he told her honestly.  
Darcy shrugged. “Better sorry than safe. I’ll take what I can get. Like, honestly - do I have to sign a waiver? Because I totally will. And you wouldn’t get away with doing all the dirty work, I’m warning you now.”  
Bucky’s eyes widened. “Why haven’t I ever met you before now?”  
“Because our mutual friend Steven hasn’t trusted me ever since I first complimented him on his bodacious man-tits.”  
“That’s almost enough to make him wary of you - but no, I don’t think so.”  
Darcy grinned. “Okay, you got me. I may or may not have also said something about him not being the only one who’s ever fantasized about undressing Bucky Barnes anymore.”  
“Yeah, that’d do it.”  
-


	2. 2 (Maybe One and a Half)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So continuing on just a bit...because of lovely people asking for it.

Breakfast Hussy

-

Two (Maybe One and a Half)

-

“You know, it kinda’ looks like we’re alone.” 

Bucky lifted a brow as if to gesture at the empty room around them. “When you live in the same building as two secret agents, you’re never really alone.”

“Worried about someone knowing what we’d do?” Darcy grinned a challenge, fingers actually aching to get into his thick, shaggy hair. 

“I once dated an exhibitionist in the thirties, trust me, I can handle anything people might say,” Bucky drawled, and then he smirked and said in his slow way, “At least nowadays it’s a lot harder to get arrested for doing that kind of stuff in public.”

Darcy laughed. “Yeah? Well, just so you know, I’m not exactly a hussy - I just know what I like when I see it. I’m just like everyone else, only a little more vocal about it. My mouth is always getting me into trouble - no jokes about me keeping something stuffed in it, I’ve heard it all before, thanks.”

Bucky dropped his eyes to her smiling red lips and slowly raked his teeth over his own bottom one, making it look plump and velvety smooth. The wash of vibrant color against his perfect pale skin made her knees weak with how simply beautiful he was.

“Isn’t Rogers going to be missing you?” Darcy asked a little breathlessly.

Bucky’s dark-fringed blue eyes flipped back up to hers after a pointed moment, and he shrugged, licking his lips. “He’ll get over it. Besides, he knows I don’t run away from a challenge.”

“A challenge? It’s not much of a challenge if I told you that right about now all you would have to do is tell me when and where,” Darcy told him truthfully - shameless, yes, but it was the truth.

“It’s a challenge to myself to see if you can still think straight after I get through kissing you,” he answered back smoothly, lips tilting upwards. Then he lifted one hand up from the table top and curled his fingers at her.  
Knowing she should be insulted by his expectant behaviour, Darcy none-the-less moved around the table faster than she’d ever moved for anything, heart slamming in her chest, and found herself on the chair with him, with her knees around his lean waist and his tongue in her mouth.

Yeah, thinking straight was overrated - man, his kiss! He tasted clean, but also like buttered toast, and his tongue slid against hers with a melty smoothness that should have been outlawed. The tip of it tickled along the roof of her mouth and she felt herself clench against his thighs - he must have too, because both of his hands reached down and cupped her ass through her jeans, kneading with voracious intent.

Moving her hands from his shoulders, she slid her fingers oh-so slowly into the hair on either side of his head - and the low groan he released as she restlessly scratched his scalp with her fingers made her moan against his mouth. His hair was as strong and silky-smooth as the rest of him, and he smelled like warm heaven.

“There are cameras in here, you know,” Bucky drew back to say carelessly. “That gonna’ bother you?”

In answer, Darcy drew her hand into his lap and quietly attacked the zipper on his black jeans. “Friday sees everything, but she doesn’t talk about anything unless it’s a danger or she’s asked. The only thing in danger here is my sanity if I don’t get my mouth on you, like, now.”

There was an adorable half-laugh, half-gasp from above as Darcy slid off his lap and under the table, and he groaned a little when she settled on her knees and shoved his thighs apart to wrangle between them.

“Just...so you know, I got a clean bill of health,” he growled on a sigh as she took him into her hands and licked the luscious, warm tip.

“Just so you know,” Darcy answered, reaching around his slim waist to get a grip on the top of his ass, and jerk him forward, “I kinda' don’t have a gag-reflex.”

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not add to this in the future, because all kinds of things can happen at Breakfast. Heh. Heh, heh. Darcy IS the Breakfast Hussy. I love her so. Thanks so much for the response to this little fic - it really made me day. I couldn’t help but add just a little more since people so nicely asked - and I can’t say no to additional perving on Sebastian’s good looks, apparently. (Sorry, not sorry)! I’m off to work on something new! Wish me luck!


	3. Breakfast Hussy - Prequel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A prequel to "Breakfast Hussy" - why IS Darcy so set on doing the nasty with Bucky Barnes?

Breakfast Hussy - Prequel  
-  
“Holy shit, that was Bucky Barnes!”

“Where’s Bucky Barnes?” Jane muttered, plucking with frustration at an ugly ding on a brand-new handheld mass spectrometer.

Darcy waved a hand wildly back at her, nose still pressed to the thick glass. “He just walked by the lab with Thor, Tony and Steve Rogers! Shit! Look! Jane, will ya’ look?! I guess Steve finally found him!”

Jane barely glanced up as the three men trekked further down the wide corridor with a clearly exhausted, emaciated male ‘guest’ tucked between them. “They must be going to Tony’s workshop - hey, Darce, are you wearing your glasses? That’s not the Winter Soldier. He was bigger...and cleaner.”

Darcy hopped up and down, bending and stretching to continue watching as the men turned a corner. “Yes, I am, and yes, that was him!” She punctuated her words with a stab of her forefinger on the tinted privacy glass. “He’s been on the run for months, Janey! God, he looks half-starved. My poor boo. What was he thinking? I mean, please, did he really think the homeless hobo look was going to hide that gorgeous baby face?”

“If he was still going through the kind of mental trauma Steve was talking about, I don’t think he cares,” Jane sighed, frowning and fiddling with a jelly-stuck button, choosing to ignore the fact that her hyper best-friend had insisted on them eating PB&J for lunch. “You really think that guy was Bucky Barnes? The man’s own mother wouldn’t recognize him like that - how would you know, anyway?”

“Because he was only the biggest crush I ever had!” Darcy exploded, turning away from the glass to reach up and yank her ponytail elastic out. She maniacally rubbed her nails over her scalp and then combed through her long brown curls.

“You say that about every guy you have a thing for.”

Darcy dropped her hands and stared disbelievingly at Jane. “I ripped his picture out of my sixth grade history textbook and made the guy at our pharmacy photo-lab blow it up to poster-size! Every closet door of every bedroom I’ve ever had, it’s always been tacked up inside it. My mom has a picture of me kissing it on his cheek one New Years! It’s actually in my closet here if you’ll remember. He chases away my night terrors - like your old Bedtime Bear Carebear.”

“You have night terrors?”

“Not anymore! Omigosh, you don’t get it Janey, Bucky Barnes is like...like, my spirit animal!”  
Jane put the piece of equipment back down, her eyebrows raising as she turned to look at an excitement-flushed Darcy. 

“That ratty black-and-white poster in your closet? That’s Bucky Barnes? I thought that was Paul Newman! Wait, you had a crush on Bucky Barnes? How did you even know who he was - you do know he was legally dead, right - well, technically still is - ”

“Uh, he’s dead-gorgeous; and excuse me, Ms. Uber-Genius, but you still had to take U.S. and World History in school just like everybody else, right? Everybody had to watch those old WWII documentaries on Cap and the Howling Commandos?”

“Well, yes, but - “

“I remember it was my freshman year, and Missy Newton leaned over and whispered that her bar-keeping grandmother actually met Cap back when she danced in the USO tours - ”

“That’s fascinating...”

“ - and when she would drink - which was, like, all the time - she would always say that just the sight of Cap’s bare shoulders between costume changes was enough to make a girl drop her panties! Where do you think the name for the drink originally came from, Janey? Ol’ Hotpants Hester Newton totally named THE ‘Panty-Dropper’ after Captain America’s smokin’ bod!” Darcy triumphantly slapped the top of her desk. “Hysterical, right? So -”

“Thanks, that information will be so useful at the next symposium,” Jane commented, her voice heavy with sarcasm, but Darcy barreled right through.

“- anyway, I was way more interested in Cap’s best friend because hell’s yeah; you could tell in all those old archive videos, Bucky Barnes had an obvious oral fixation, and you know what that means.” Darcy nodded once in definitive satisfaction and bit her lower lip, winking suggestively.

“That you’re going to dirty-name a drink after him?” Jane sighed.

“Oh, mon ami, I already have!” Darcy crowed proudly, giggling past a grin, “It was pretty popular back at Culver. It’s a shooter called ‘Buck Me From Behind’.”

Jane wrinkled her nose. “Darce!”

Darcy counted ingredients off on her fingers. “It’s bourbon - 'cause he's American; cinnamon schnapps - 'cause he's hawt - and vodka, 'cause he's so damn smooth. But only the good stuff or it tastes like shit!”

“Geez, you were shoplifting Stoli even back then, weren’t you?” Jane asked disapprovingly.

“How the hell else was I supposed to get my hands on it? If it makes you feel better, I don’t anymore,” Darcy sniffed indignantly.

“No, you just swipe the Tovaritch! from Tony’s bar!”

“That’s what it’s there for!”

“Wow, you spent a lot of time thinking about all this, didn’t you?” 

“Well, back then I originally wanted to call it ‘Buck My Face’, but - “

“Darcy, ew!”

Darcy sighed reflectively, looking off into the distance with slightly foggy glasses. “He was like, my Prince Charming when I was twelve.”

Jane snorted, flipping back her long ponytail. “I still don’t think that was him. That was no prince in the hallway - unless you were talking about Thor.”

“Yes, we all know you’re living the effing fairytale, Janey,” Darcy announced dryly. “But I call bullshit - did you see those lips? I have never seen another pair of lips like that on a man!”

“I couldn’t even see his chin under all that hair.”

“You are so damn blind, Foster! You’re just like Lois Lane not being able to tell that the only difference between Clark Kent and Superman are the glasses!” Darcy reached behind her ear with one finger and flipped the earpiece of her glasses so they wiggled pointedly up and down the bridge of her nose.

”I can’t believe how affected you are by one strange man arriving in the labs.” Jane rolled her eyes. “Even if you did see them, you cannot identify a man just by his lips, Darcy.”

“Hell, if I can’t! You don’t know how long I creeped on that guy back in the day! Besides, I only concentrated on his lips so much because I was afraid I might become spontaneously pregnant if I stared into his eyes too long - what, I was twelve - and have you seen those eyes? They still make me fear for the sanctity of my womb!” Darcy pulled out her phone and immediately dragged up an image from Google to shove in Jane’s face.

“Darce, you’re so over-dramatic - oh.” Jane slowly tilted her head, looking critically at the grey-toned picture. “Whoa. He is awfully pretty. He has nice eyes - kind of piercing. I guess I can see why he, uh, does it for you.”

“Just ‘pretty’?” Darcy snatched the phone back and audibly gulped. “God, he is the ideal man - “

“Isn’t that supposed to be Captain Rogers? Or wait, Thor - ?”

“- and sure, he’s as pretty as a movie star, but he’s hard-edged where it counts. I read somewhere once that he had a filthy mouth - man, I used to close my eyes and imagine him saying, “Fuck.” Yes, please!”

“Oh my God, his ability to cuss like a sailor shouldn’t be a turn-on, Darce.”

“Why the fuck not? Hm, that hair, those eyes, pink, plush lips like a hot girl - and dat ass. I swear, he is velvety-smooth, girl. I could seriously just be in the same room as him and get off on it. Actually, just imagining what his ‘O’ face looks like has always been enough to get me off since I was fourteen and finally figured out what was causing that sweet-ass tingle - ” 

“Whoa, Darcy, down girl. Now, you know that I love you but do not tell me you go around sharing details of your first masturbatory experience with people - and no instantaneous orgasms in my lab, please, it’s distracting and staggeringly unprofessional.”

“That’s not what what you told me about Thor’s late night booty-call lab visits last time you were drunk!” Darcy smirked.

“Darcy, it’s not a ‘booty-call’ if they love you!” Jane tried to shrug off the reminder but blushed.

“Yeah, and without me explaining it to ya’, you wouldn’t know what a booty-call was if it danced up to you and asked you to slap it on it’s naked ass.”

“Shame on you! It’s eleven a.m.! Can we talk about this later? Not that I haven’t enjoyed this very personal jaunt with you down Memory Lane, I think it’s time for a reality check.”

Darcy squinted at her. “What do you mean by that?”

“Duh, he looks like a heartbreaker!” Jane motioned emphatically at the phone.

“Well, duh, he’s Bucky-fucking-Barnes!” Darcy mocked her.

“Geez, your mouth, Darcy Marie Lewis! Steve would be so disappointed.” Distracted by a sudden work-related thought, Jane picked up a binder and a pen and scratched a note into it. 

“Whatever! I heard Mr. Perfect call an innocent leather ottoman a ‘cock-sucking douche-bag’ when he stubbed his toe in the game room the other day. In a way it makes sense - he grew up around Barnes’s mouth - there’s no way Cap’s that innocent.”

“You liar,” Jane said mildly. 

Darcy shrugged doubtfully but didn’t comment.

“Anyway, I dunno’, Darcy, I think a guy like that - you know, the ones that know just how good-looking they are - they kind of tend to be insufferable assholes.”

Darcy gaped. “Hey, he was Captain America’s best friend! Come on! The guy’s a national hero! Bucky Barnes is one of a kind, babe, James Dean and Paul Newman were just God’s way of paying homage to him! Plus, I never said I needed him to be Prince Charming, just that he looked like him. Who needs a guy who is too gentlemanly to pull your hair when he’s fucking you from behind? Besides, I could handle ‘insufferable’ from this guy for one night.” She waggled her eyebrows and reluctantly laid the phone on her desk. “Or, maybe all the nights.”

“Well, you’ve definitely had experience handling ‘assholes’, too,” Jane added, then covered her mouth and laughed at Darcy’s fake expression of shock. “You know what I meant!”

“Well, yeah, I’m not a virgin anymore,” Darcy agreed, and shrugged ruefully. She looked over at the empty corridor. “And I guess Prince Charming became the Winter Soldier. He’s still hot, though, I don’t care what anybody says - all those clips from D.C., he’s got that sexy prowl thing goin’ on - “

Jane tsked. “It’s not a ‘sexy prowl thing’, Darcy, the weight of his prosthetic obviously interferes with his balance - “

“If his balance is so off, how the hell would he be able to fire a gun so accurately while he walks?” Darcy argued.

“I - why are we even arguing about this? You are the only person alive who would think a brainwashed assassin bent on mayhem and murder was attractive! You have no sense of self-preservation!”

“Who needs it, so long as you die happy?”

Jane threw her hands up in the air. “That is not funny, Darcy! He’s killed people! A lot of people, and now he has to live with that!”

Darcy’s smirk dropped, and she blinked. “Yeah...yeah, you’re right. Sorry. I’m sorry, Janey...that went farther than I meant it to. I know...I know he’s not the same guy whose picture got him all under my skin when I was a kid. It’s just - every guy I’ve ever been with ultimately pales in comparison to him. I know I don’t know the guy, he was dead long before I was ever even born - but he makes my heart hurt - in a good way. He always has. It kills me, finding out what happened to him, when all this time everyone just assumed he was dead. As if him being dead wasn’t bad enough. Anyway, he didn’t deserve it. I know I don’t know him, that it’s completely illogical, but I’ve always cared about him. If that’s not love, I dunno what is.”

“Oh, Darce.” Jane bit her lip and put down her binder, stepping over to take her friend into her arms.

Darcy resisted a little at first, then sighed and hugged her back. “Sorry, Janey. I’ve got a big mouth. I don’t even know - I mean, I know it sounds like I have some creepy obsession, but - ”

Jane pulled back and looked her in the eyes. “No, don’t apologize. I’m sorry I was so dismissive, and I don’t think you’re being creepy at all. I didn’t realize he meant so much to you.”

Darcy dropped her arms and stepped back, shrugging self-consciously. She pulled off her glasses and wiped gingerly at her eyes so as not to smear her make-up. “No worries. It’s stupid. It doesn’t make any sense. It’s just - when I saw him walk by I swear I felt my heart explode. I wanted to scoop up the pieces and throw them at him like confetti, just in case it made him feel even a little better.”

Jane laughed lightly, but in an endearing way. “That’s both the grossest and sweetest thing I’ve ever heard someone say.” She smiled and put a comforting hand on her friend’s shoulder. “It’s nice to know the story behind ‘Buck Me Harder.’”

Darcy slipped her glasses back on and grinned. “No, no, it’s ‘Buck Me From Behind’! But nice addition, Janey.”

“Well, it’s hardly as imaginative as yours.”

“Thanks, that means loads coming from a genius of your caliber.”

Jane sighed and shook her head. “So Darcy Lewis is not-so-secretly in love with Bucky Barnes.”

“Since I was twelve,” Darcy repeated proudly. 

“Well, that was twelve - what has arriving at the ripe-old-age of twenty-four told you?”

Darcy shrugged again, smirking slightly as she slid her eyes over to Jane. 

“That if a girl can look someone like Thor in the eye and not get pregnant, it ain’t gonna’ happen. Unless there’s something you’d like to tell me, Janey-girl - ?”

Jane’s mouth fell open. “God, Darcy, shut-up!”

Darcy narrowed her eyes at her. “Just what shade of blue are Thor’s eyes again? Hey, what happens on Asgard, stays on Asgard! Aw, you’re blushing! Just so you know, doing it with your hips tilted up over a pillow makes it easier to get preggers. Although with someone like Thor, it probably doesn’t matter. I bet he has extra-terrestrial, super-strength swimmers, too.”

Jane made a face. “Why would you even know about that?”

Darcy grinned. “I know everything about that stuff - I made sure to look it up once when I actually skipped a period after drooling over Sergeant Sexy-Lips for too long. Turned out I was just really stressed from Finals. Who knew?”

Jane snickered; but then she sobered as if having a troubling thought, and she lifted a concerned brow to Darcy’s questioning look.

“Darce...I know what it’s like to want someone you think you’ll never have, believe me. All joking aside, Thor is a miracle to me. But Bucky Barnes…”

-Darcy swallowed, but lifted her chin, her eyes unflinching. “I know, Bucky Barnes, he’s dead. You’re right, that guy...probably wasn’t him.”

“I’m sorry, I just don’t want you to think - I mean, depending on how - they’re probably going to try to deprogram him, and, if things don’t go downhill with the government, he might be wandering around the base eventually, and as the Assistant to the Avenger’s new Public Relations Manager - “

“You mean Maria Hill, Director of Disaster Recovery, Tony Stark’s bizarre-food’s gopher, the New Avengers talent wrangler, and over-all shit-show custodian?”

“I’m just saying, don’t let yourself fall any harder for a guy who’s just not here anymore. Things could get awkward - “

“Oh, my God! You think I’d throw myself at him, don’t you? Stalk him with teddy bears and creepy notes?”

“Well, wouldn’t you? I mean, you just said - “

“Christ, Janey, I have half-a-brain! I’m not going to chase after a traumatized war veteran with my childhood delusions of idealized love!”

“No?”

“No. Eventually - I’m just going to fuck his brains out and leave him with a taste for me in his mouth.”

“I knew you were going to say something like that.”

“Pfft! Then why’d you bother asking?”

-

Two Months Later…

-

Darcy was on her way to the common room kitchen for breakfast with Jane and Thor in tow when the elevator dinged from behind them, and Darcy threw a glance back to see who else was up at the ungodly time of morning.

“OMG, Janey, it’s Captain Panty-Dropper and his sidekick Sergeant Sexy Oral Fixation Guy,” Darcy whimpered and automatically held up a hand to shield her face from the approaching duo.

“Don’t look him directly in the eye, Darcy - remember you stopped taking the pill because of the migraines!” Jane hissed with a grin before grabbing Thor’s hand and tugging him away with her into another elevator. Thor stumbled in behind her, smiling in bemusement before the doors closed.

Left behind, Darcy stifled a whimper and fought not to go into panic-mode. Instead she turned and coolly made her way into the common area, poured her coffee, and sat down at the huge table before subtly adjusting the girls for battle…

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that happened - a prequel for ‘Breakfast Hussy’ that’s longer than its other two parts put together, no doubt. This crawled in my head and wouldn’t go away. I don’t think it matters if you read this or those first. I hope you guys get a laugh from this. I love Darcy.

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t even...don’t ask me where this came from. But I wish this idea-fairy would come visit me more often. :)


End file.
